How should we think about a person who may be passing on?

[pam]

Mrs Eddy tells us that prayers to God to ''take a patient to Him'', or to pray for someone's ''peaceful death'' are not helpful...however, when it seems likely that this is going to happen soon, how can we think and pray about this? My aged father may be passing on, it seems so, maybe he wont! I dont want him to, but I wonder if there is a thought process that is in accord with Science, and doesnt interfere with the prayer/work I am doing for his continued time here, that somehow ''releases him''...maybe his wish is to move on, I dont want to make him feel I am holding him here.
He has been reaching this point for 3-4 weeks now, he is weak, not eating etcetc...its very hard. My mother and I sit with him all the time, and read and pray and study and read to him. We are all life time CS, class taught.

I have not experienced this aspect of human existence yet (passing of loved one)
I find the lesson this week very helpful and relevant.
I know that Death is just a transition, that we will understand it all sometime, but I want to be realistic too.
thank you for any thoughts.
This is my 1st post. I have been enjoying the thoughtful and down to earth convesations though since this great site was launched recently.
Pam

[Daniel]

Pam-
One philosopher once said, that, "death is only percieved by the living." I don't remember who this was, but, I believe he was saying that what you called a "transition", may not be that at all (to the so called passing).

Small reply but maybe helpful?

[lindyhop]

Pam,

I spent the last 10 days of my father's time in this plane with him in hospice, where they did a wonderful job of keeping him comfortable and respecting our privacy and his dignity, and I think it comforted us both to just hold hands and be at peace and together, even when other types of communication no longer seemed to be possible.

Here are some thoughts and quotes about life that I posted in another place on this website that might also help you now, in praying for your father, so I am copying them below:

MBE said, how important it is to "stand porter at the door of thought" ready at all times to replace any fear with trust, faith, and confidence in God.

91st Psalm, verse 1: "He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty."

Psalm 46: "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

Rise in the strength of the Spirit....

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out fear." There is a restorative power in God's love....

The power of prayer is sufficient to meet any human need...Love is meeting the human need right now.

We live and move and have our being in God and nothing changes there. Everything is always peaceful and perfect.

23rd Psalm as modified by MBE: "I will dwell in the house (the consciousness) of (Love) forever."

Life goes on in God, reflecting God, and the good that people have done and shared with us here in this experience will continue to bless us. They are still the loved expressions of God. They exist. There's never a moment when God stops loving them, or when he stops caring for them, or stops giving them that divine Life that goes on forever.

Life is an ongoing expression of divinity that doesn't begin in this human experience and doesn't end with it.

[kidlit]

Pam,

One idea that I've thought about a lot with regard to loved ones is that if we're starting from the standpoint that God is Spirit and that creation (including us and those loved ones) is entirely spiritual, then we've never actually known anyone in matter. We've only ever known them spiritually. We may not see that completely clearly at this point, but I genuinely believe that this is our real relationship. We're not a bunch of mortals who are afraid of losing each other, but spiritual ideas that coexist eternally with God and whose relationships are, therefore, spiritual and intact.

So I guess in answer to your question I would say: Don't cling to matter. The best thing you can do for your father, your family, and for yourself is to see him as God sees him--to whatever degree you can. And to see yourself as spiritual, too. You both have the same Father, the same Life. You can cling to this Life for yourself and for your dad. Then it's not about letting go or giving up, but about seeing more clearly what's already true: That both of your lives always have been, and always will be, spiritual and unending. And that the love that exists between you can never be lost.

Love to you.

[pam]

thank you for these replies!...yes, I understand that Life is in God, never ending, identity is intact and preserved, and that God is ever present whatever the human view, human sense of loss. I like that about how death is a thing more seen by the living(more troubling to the living, maybe, even!)
We have been working with all of the beautiful passages lindyhop included, during this experience..my question is more like: Is it ''wrong'' to realize someone is passing, and to try to be OK with it?? Are we supposed to not ever accept this?
We have hospice care here in the home. What a great bunch of folks.They have been very respectful of Science, even though they dont seem to know much about it. It is a bit hard that they view the situation as a passing..as Scientists, my mother and I are not comfortable accepting this view, at the same time, it does seem in the relative sense that a transition is occuring.
I feel conflicted.
Am I giving up if I admit I see a transition coming?
Maybe I am thinking too much, and should just stick with the Truth and not try to label it all..
thanks again
pam

[JudyRae]

Dear Pam,

Your father is certainly surrounded by Love – both with a large L and a little one! And so are you, your mother and everyone involved. You are all being fed and sustained by Love.

I hope these ideas below are helpful to you at this difficult time.

There's an article in the new Time, Space, Healing pamphlet on page 12 "Conversation with Geoffrey Barratt". The beginning really jumped out at me and I've continued to think about it.

Quote: "Many Christian Scientists have come to realize that eternity is not an endlessly long time, but it’s the absence of time. Eternity is timelessness” End of quote.

In the same way, Life is deathlessness. It’s without beginning and without end, without birth and without death. It is now – eternally.

I remember once a friend telling me of how someone had asked her to pray for a relative to have a quick and easy passing (and “for God to take her to Him according to His will). She described how she had replied that as a student of Christian Science she couldn’t possibly do that, as she knew that God was Life itself and that Life could never cause death, but that she would be very willing to pray for the forwarding of the new birth, which is always going on., always unfolding Itself to itself.

I have always found that this idea is very helpful (and in the case above, the woman was healed and went on to live a full and active life for several more years.) The passage on Scientific obstetrics in Science and Health is a good starting point – page 463 and also The New Birth on page 15 of Miscellaneous Writings. I have also found it so uplifting to pray with verse 4 of Mary Baker Eddy’s poem “Bless Christmas Morn” It begins “Thou gentle beam of living Love, and deathless Life!”

The January Christian Science Journal on Life has some great articles too.

Hope that helps!

JudyRae

[pam]

These comments have been very helpful to me...I refer to them once in a while to refresh my thoughts. Thank you all very much.
I think I am seeing that at times like this it also helps to be somewhat neutral...in fact, as has been mentioned here in different ways, nothing is really ''happening'', which is to say nothing is happening to anything that is Real. God isnt changing, Immortal Man isnt changing. Its a big nothing. There shouldnt be anything to be impressed with; God, and us and the Truth are the same and we are in that harmoniuos control, even if we dont fully understand it all.
The human often feels it has to "do" something. In fact, what we can do is know the Truth isnt changing one bit.
It is all taken care of. Thank goodness, because human stuff seems so tricky sometimes. Thank goodness its not the whole picture.
Thank you all for your thoughts and lovely ideas. Very helpful.
pam

[imjim]

I know that Death is just a transition, that we will understand it all sometime, but I want to be realistic too.

In Unity of Good Mrs. Eddy writes, ”This generation seems to material for any strong demonstration over death,” further along she says, “I have by no means spoken of myself, I cannot speak of myself as “sufficient for these things." I insist only upon the fact, as it exists in Science, that man dies not, and on the words of our Master in support of this verity, - words that can never “pass away till all be fulfilled.” ” (Unity of Good 43:3-17)

I don’t see this as a submission to death, rather it is a recognition of her fidelity to her present understanding.

A brief recall of my own experience:

I received a call from my mother the night before she died. She had been struggling with something for quite a while and I could hear in her voice that this might be the last time we talked. We didn’t however talk about dieing or living, our conversation centered around the ideas that “I can’t, God can, and I think I’ll let Him.” We also talked about how that no matter what we are faced with, we need to trust ourselves and our situations to God. I could hear her begin to relax as she soaked in these ideas, she seemed to take great comfort in them, and asked me to email her more about it the next day.

Our conversation hadn’t been centered around getting well in matter, it was within the bounds of trusting God, Spirit, Love to “designate and lead the way” (S&H 454:14) no matter what the circumstances. How this played out, wasn’t up to my mother and I, ultimately it was in Gods hands. It didn’t surprise the next day when my brother called to tell me of her passing.

The closeness she and I had felt the night before her passing, how the 2 of us were able to see and rely on God more, how interconnected all of Gods creatures are, how timely our conversation had been, where I was mentally allowing me to help comfort her in her need. All these things - though admittedly small and not perfect in demonstration - have helped me to see beyond what matter presents as real.

When it comes to death, I sometimes feel that Christian Scientists, despite declaring that matter is unreal and cannot express the infinite qualities of God, inadvertently rely too heavily on matter for that demonstration. Matter is temporary, it is not capable of expressing the infinite idea. Endowing matter with possibilities it plainly does not posses, leads only to frustration and I refuse to go there.

Rev. 14:13 tells us “And I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, Write, Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labours; and their works do follow them.”

John was a very practical man, he knew the frailty of human existence, hence his direct confrontation of what mortals experience of death. I also take comfort in the practical fact of his recognition that “their works do follow them” - that what we have learned here will help to carry us on in the next plane of existence.

In S&H (234:4) we read “Whatever inspires with wisdom, Truth, or Love--be it song, sermon, or Science--blesses the human family with crumbs of comfort from Christ's table, feeding the hungry and giving living waters to the thirsty.” “Crumbs” necessarily implies that we don’t “get it all“, that there is some “misapprehension of the source and means of all goodness.” (S&H 10:22)

With “crumbs” in mind, acknowledging my own meager understanding of Science, it is my fervent hope that this helps in your moment of need.

Jim

[lindyhop]

Dear Pam,

In thinking about your last postings I have remembered the Bible quote that Mrs. Eddy asked the readers to say at the end of each CS service:

"And it doth not yet appear what we shall be, but we know that when he shall appear, we shall be like him. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself even as he is pure."

Even Jesus had very human doubts and yearnings on his own last night on earth.

Sometimes it looks like we have to try so hard to pray for this, and believe that....but really, we can just trust, and rest in the arms of the Almighty, and let God do the things that are appointed for us.

May the peace of God enfold you and your father and mother and everyone you come in contact with....

[Sue]

Dear Pam,

A close friend who was not a CS passed on recently. She asked many of her friends to pray for her including me. The pressure from others was that death was inevitable and that we needed to accept this. I rejected this thought and concentrated my thought and prayers on the fact that no matter what the material senses seem to be telling us Life is eternal. I found this quote from S&H very helpful.

“God expresses in man the infinite idea forever developing itself, broadening and rising higher and higher from a boundless basis.” S&H page 258 line13

Yes, our loved ones may pass out of our material sight but this does not stop theirs or our spiritual progress no more than walking from one room to another room in our home can separate us from the love of our family. We always remain in God’s loving home no matter what room we are in.

Another idea that has been helpful to me is to think of man’s identity as a tune. Just as the notes and harmonies of a tune have there origin in the principle of music, the individual and unique qualities of God we each express have their original in Principle. The instrument, or body, used to express these qualities may die but the tune, the qualities of God expressed by the individual in their own unique way, continue. We may not experience these qualities in the exact same way but they are still a part of our experience. Just as a tune may sound different when played on a different instrument or by a different musician but we can still recognise its harmonies, enjoy and value it.

When praying for a way to comfort and share these ideas with my none CS friends. The thought to write the poem below came to me. Writing poetry is not really ‘my thing’ but it just seemed to happen. It helped me to write it, hopefully it may help you.

The notes of your life, the love, the joy and vitality
Will never sound the same from now until eternity,

But as I hear your tune playing in my heart
I know it is a part of me and we can never part,

As I go about my day, I hear its sweet refrain
Playing in the lives of others and I can smile again,

I realise its note, the substance of your life,
The beauty of Soul, unselfish Love, inexhaustible Life,

Have their source in Mind and harmony
Reflected till eternity.

Sue

[pattyp]

In reply to your last post, Pam, there's no reason why you can't support your father prayerfully without compromising your conviction that God is the only Life.

But it may be tempting to "compromise conscience to suit the general drift of thought" when those around you are providing such tender care, despite their expectation of death. (See Science and Health, xii)

Why even consider such issues as passing, transition, releasing, etc. when you can accomplish so much more by just holding your thought "stedfastly to the enduring, the good and the true", regardless of "the general drift of thought"?

When Jesus first learned that Lazarus was sick, he didn't rush to comfort and heal him. Nor was he among among those who watched lovingly at Lazarus' bedside during his illness and demise, even though Lazarus was among his dearest friends.

What were Jesus' thoughts over the next several days as he went on with his work? Was he speculating about when Lazarus would make the 'transition'? Or whether he should 'release' Lazarus? Was he thinking how sad it was that Mary and Martha were going to lose their brother? Did he wonder if it would be wrong to just accept that Lazarus was dying and try to be o.k. with that?

Above all else, he surely was keeping the door to his prayer closet shut tight against the morbid beliefs and expectations of others. He must have been listening, listening. Otherwise, how would he have known when Lazarus was sleeping (dead, according to his sisters) without having been told?

When Jesus arrived at the tomb, all the mourning of the crowd did not prevent Lazarus from responding immediately when Jesus called him forth.

Jesus never compromised his conscience to go along with the "general drift of thought". He was too busy glorifying Life, and he set this wonderful example for us all!

[LoraHoward]

How should we be thinking of a person who may be passing on? Well, why think of them any differently that you have been up til then? God doesn't see them any differently. I liked Sue's idea of someone walking into another room so you cannot see them, but they are continuing along just the same.

I have lost many loved ones including parents, mentors, friends, relatives,beloved pets, and we ran a working farm for many years, which also has much birth and death associated with it, so I'm not being flippant or disconnected.

My current view is that we, as we see now, have not demonstrated over birth, old age and death, totally. To be blunt, we are all going to go through what we call death. But, as CS's we can know birth to be pain free, old age to be joyous and death to be nothing much more than we are in different rooms now.

Right now, my husband and I are caring for his parents, who are not CS, worship the AMA and are, well, near death. For the first few months, I suffered with the mesmeric heaviness associated with these things. Then, thanks be to the Christ, we were able to stop reacting to the error--at least so much. The AM is not my in-laws and the death thoughts are not your father.

Your father must be pretty terrific, and that isn't going to stop. And dying won't hurt him a bit, and you will see him again. Please stop beating yourself up about "thinking death." It's just AM trying to get to you and stop you from the experiencing Love that is so much there between you and your folks. Tell worry and guilt and confusion to stuff a sock in it and just love and live.