Christian Science and Homosexuality

[For all mankind]

I am a parent of several children, some of whom are Christian Scientists. One of our children announced recently that she has been experimenting with homosexuality. Later, my husband and I learned that on college campuses across the country, it is the "latest thing" for young women to be experimenting with homosexuality. Apparently, many of them do. Some then go on to marry and have heterosexual relationships, others decide that they prefer to have sexual relations with women. As Christian Scientists, we were of course devastated to realize that our beloved daughter could be attracted in this way.
I would never condemn my daughter for this, nor would I single out this behavior as necessarily more sinful than other types of indulgence in matter. However, I do struggle to know what to pray about, and how to find healing for sensuality, which seems to be so pervasive on our campuses. All forms of sensuality need to be eliminated, and it's never too late to start knowing that man is a spiritual, rather than a sensual idea, but there are times when we feel severely tested, and we just don't know how to act vis a vis this daughter and her girlfriend.
I would appreciate any ideas/help on the subject, because I can't help but feel guilty for "allowing" this to happen.

[adyer]

It sounds like you're not struggling with the homosexual issue but with the suggestion that you are personally responsible.

[Starlight Rider]

Be Not Afraid!

There was a lengthy and thoughtful discussion on this subject at TMCYOUTH that was sparked by a blog entry entitled Considering Same Sex Lifestyles. (http://tmcyouth.com/blogs/healing/considering-same-sex-lifestyles/) The topic has so far generated 78 thoughtful, diverse and challenging responses representing several ways of looking at this. I recommend you take the time to read them all.

[Jael]

For All Mankind:

I thought about your posting quite abit and wondered if you realized what an incredible loving home you and your husband must have created for your daughter. It sounds like she shared something very personal with you and knew that you would continue to love her unconditionally. Lots of children would be fearful to share such a discovery with their families for fear of rejection or believing that they are now not worthy of their parents love.

You are not guilty of anything other than love and care of your child. Please give yourself a break on this one.

[For all mankind]

I appreciate your message very much. Thank you. I hadn't really thought of it that way.

[For all mankind]

You're sort of right, sort of not. I am struggling with feeling guilty, yes, but I am also deeply concerned about the kind of life living a homosexual lifestyle entails. I am also seeking to find what kinds of ideas other Christian Scientists have come up with to counter the kind of sensualism found and encouraged on college campuses. One of us (in a counsellor role) has been faculty on a number of college campuses over many years, and, as such, has intimate knowledge of what young people are doing, thinking, considering "normal" behavior, and the cultural climate makes it quite easy for students like my daughter to believe that it is "normal" for young women to experiment with other women. That is a far deeper concern to me than just my own personal guilt, which surfaces from time to time -- as all parents feel somewhat responsible for what goes on in their kids' lives.

[Jael]

For All Mankind:

I understand your concern about your daughter and the some of the guilt you feel. I too am the mother of a college student and I talk with her all the time about issues such as this, along with drinking, drugs, pre-martial sex, etc. What I do know is that I have offered her unconditional love and a willingness to just listen when she needs to talk. I also know the type of upbringing I provided for her and know that she knows what's expected of her. I'm sure your daughter knows this as well. Will she experiment? Absolutely!! Is it wrong? Maybe yes, maybe no. It's all a learning process and what we take away from these experiences. Will I continue to love my daughter unconditionally? Without a doubt. And you will continue to love your daughter too. Remember your youth. Did you always make the right choices? I know I didn't. But boy did I learn a lot. We all do. That's not to say that she will become straight or remain in a homosexual relationship.

At the end of the day, your daughter is still the terrific young lady that you love and who loves you. She may not make the same choices that you would make or want for her, but she will grow as a child of God. Our Mother/Father God still loves her unconditionally!! I think that's what it's all about.

[still listening]

I hear your question and I feel your concern … because I’ve been there. For two years our twenty-something daughter was living in a homosexual relationship. Not only was the whole thing a shock to us, but we also did not know how to act towards our daughter and her live-in girlfriend, since our concept of what is “normal” and hers were not the same on this issue. She wanted us to just “get with the program” and accept this lifestyle as natural, the way many in her generation do. We searched our conscience and just didn’t feel we could honestly come to that same decision, but we knew that our love for our daughter had to remain unconditional. But how to act in what was, for us, a very uncomfortable situation, and how to pray about it, were big questions. Now, I’m not going to get into what’s right and what’s wrong and try to set everyone straight on this issue (no pun intended!) Not only is that impossible, but it’s already been discussed and rehashed ad infinitum on tmcyouth.com, as another responder has mentioned, and opinions among Christian Scientists are all over the place on this issue. I can only share with you how God lead me to pray and act in our particular case.

Because of some specific personal history in our daughter’s life, I prayed often about that which claims to captivate, influence, and occasionally hold hostage our thoughts and impulses. There seem to be many currents of thought swirling on college campuses and among young people today, attraction to homosexuality and atheism being just two of them. I prayed often to see that the Christ is the only real influence, thought force, attraction, inclination, impulse; and that it is the Christ in all of us which defends our innocence. I also prayed to understand better Jesus' parable of the tares and wheat – in this case not trying to analyze or pass judgment on the appearance of what, to me, were tares, but to know that if something is not God-ordained it cannot last. Another concept I worked with often was the idea of recognizing “mental contagion” and seeing its powerlessness (see Miscellaneous Writings, by Mary Baker Eddy, pp. 228-229) Our personal decision on how to act was to tell our daughter that she was welcome in our home anytime, but that since we did not sanction this relationship, we would not be entertaining them as a couple. This may seem harsh to some, and meant we didn't see her often for a while, but it was the best we could come up with as parents to support our daughter’s spiritual growth in the best way we knew how at the time. Long story short – the homosexual relationship has been over for some time. We are on better terms that ever with our daughter. There are no hard feelings. We are “still listening.”

[pattyp]

Dear Mom,

However you prayed for your daughter in the past, there must have been a clear sense that she is the offspring of Love, an incorporeal idea of Truth, guarded and guided by unerring Mind.

All of that is still true, despite outward appearances. God is still loving her, guiding and protecting her. As she moves on through “earth’s preparatory school” Love will never scorn her or abandon her, no matter what. God knows that she is His beloved child, and nothing can ever change that.

So then, “why . . . stand aghast at nothingness?” Take off the labels. It’s crucial not judge according to “the outward appearance.” Jesus didn’t, and as his follower, your duty is to see your daughter and her friends as God’s perfect children – because, in Truth, they are.

Resist the temptation to see them in any way that could possibly hinder their progress. “Spiritual Love will force you [all] to accept what best promotes your growth.” (S&H 563:7) No-one can resist this Love-impelled growth.

God is bound to accomplish His purpose for every one of us, regardless of any bumps we may encounter along the way.

[CS Drummer]

For All Mankind--

There is a very loving and insightful posting addressed directly to you on another thread entitled "Is there support in Christian Science for homosexuality?" posted on April 20. The user's name is Bruce Stores, and I would suggest taking a look at it if you haven't seen it already.

Open your thought to the Truth, and God will lead you in the right direction. :)

[ummok]

so it wasn't just me who noticed this lesbian thing. it actually is a cultural phenomenon? wow.. makes me proud of myself for becoming anti-social. next stop, the apocalypse.